I still remember listening to “Numb” and feeling like it was closer to how I felt than I’d like to admit.
I was young, reasonably rich, unhappy, and with no clue where my life was going or what life was for in the first place.
Like many others, I ended up drinking, smoking, in the hope of some respite from the emotional pain, distress and stress from my work. The fact that my work was extremely demanding was both a boon and a bane, because I drowned myself in my work to run away from the emptiness of life, but ended up torturing my body and getting over-stressed from endless hours of working without any sense of purpose.
In some ways, my life had just begun. I another way, it was already looking bleak and hopeless because I didn’t know what life was for.
Thankfully, that is not where my story ended.
Thankfully, I found out the meaning and purpose of my life and a simple way to get out of the self created problems of drinking, smoking and a poor diet.
I met H. H. Paramahamsa Nithyananda in 2008 when I had given up on finding solutions myself. I still remember – I made appointments with psychiatrists thrice, and they were cancelled at the last minute thrice. After the third time, I felt something was amiss – I didn’t believe something to be a coincidence if it happened thrice. This wasn’t normal. My doctor falling sick or flying out of town to attend to some other patient or just being MIA. Was weird.
Which is when I first suspected that Cosmos didn’t want me to take drugs for my condition – because there was nothing wrong with me.
In fact, my life was just beginning to fall on the right track. I was beginning to start seeking. What, I did’t know. But I knew I was looking for something. And that was the beginning of right things in my life.
I was saved because I never took any drugs for depression or addiction.
Everything was healed in one touch – one hug and one look from Swamiji. Back in 2008, the day I met him, I had a blinding migraine. But inside me something told me, if I don’t find a solution here, it is nowhere to be found. He asked me what I wanted, and I told Him I wanted to be healed. He hugged me. And that was all I needed. I disappeared for those moments. I was in a world where life didn’t hurt, and it felt different – good different.
In the years that followed, getting out of any addiction or “bad habit” was a cakewalk for me. I never did anything to get out of smoking or drinking or eating eggs & mushroom. I simply walked out.
Chester Bennington was one of the rock singers I loved and followed over the years. Linkin Park was how I opened up to the world of rock music. It hurts me to think of how easily he could have had the life I had, instead of falling prey to drugs and depression. It is heart wrenching to think that people die every day because of problems which are not really problems, but the beginning of life changing its gears. I wish I could have done something to help him not take his own life. Since I can’t do that, I decided to write this today so anyone else out there who feels low & woe begone, can know that the answer is not in dying, but in finding a new meaning to life.
Cover photo: Via Flickr